I fear for the social situation and the emotional lives of my friends in Houston.

A sick and sad event has occured. A beautiful boy was wasted, innocence lost, things that can never be undone or regained. Nightmares will haunt many who don’t deserve them just due to witnessing such horror. A city that wasn’t supportive of that scene in the first place will now, most likely, turn even more cold and hateful.

If this last weekend in Houston didn’t make me want Batty and Kelly to move here more quickly, now the events I have heard from tonight really do. I feel bad for everyone that wasn’t involved. This effects you beyond your consent and control. For the depraved actions of one person, another person died and a whole community suffers.

I wretch and feel ill at the thought that someone could do that to another person. I love you guys and miss you. I can’t think of one thing, one disagreement or one jelousy or one anything, that is worth the life of another person. If you feel that life is so cheap as to take another’s so carelessly then why should anyone respect yours? Much less that it was done, not through accident but through malice.

We all feel rage and intense dark emotions from time to time, but if we all walked about acting upon them there would be no one standing.

I can’t feel bad for the lost life because he is gone and feels no pain now, I can’t cry for the guilty because they did what they knew was wrong. I hurt for all of those who had nothing to do with it but still will suffer the repercusions of such a disgusting act of violence.

The thought of penetrating another in such hate and anger and fatally harming anyone under any circumstances just makes me ill. Especially when I didn’t know the parties but had been around them and knew of them as well as they knew of me. The true victims are the survivors. The family, the friends, the witnesses, and all those vicariously effected.

I feel for all of you going through this dark bleek happening, and in a sad way I am greatful I am not there. I too will most likely feel the rift it is making in the community upon my next trip to Houston. I feel it someways tonight, even though I am so far away.

I am to perform along side the performance/body modification company that the lost one was part of on my trip to Houston next month. I have a picture of him from last year. He was so beautiful and quiet. I just can’t imagine.

I really really reach out to all of you in any way I can.

Deana unexpectedly got the night off when we went to find her at workl after dinner so we ran off to get her. We went to the new Karaoke night (formerly punk rock heavy metal karaoke, now twisted karaoke).

Dinner was delicious, but I found some of the lecture loaded with double talk, and one of the people that spoke was not supposed to be a speakerbut he bulldozed the dinner and took over for his own causes self promotion. That took some balls! I found it very humorous over all. Especially the pictures that were totally irrelevant to the lecture which seemed like Sally Struthers ploys, or some sad political efforts to get the bleeding heart votes.

Ah, I am tired and looking forward to “b” tomorrow. his visits and sessions are always very very dear to me. I love all the oppritunity we get to chat and play.

Nothing new, Jacque-Oh is MIA, again.

Cramps, things to do, money orders to make and mail.
I have to get dressed for the dinner. I have already made the days phone calls. I check my email as often as possible, and that was done today.

I really don’t want to get up with these cramps, but I have to. I really don’ty want to venture into the sunlight outside, but I have to.

I went to 735 last night and I really only sat through one of the movies, but I liked it…it was called Psycho-mania. I think they need to play Quadrophenia for all the Vespa riders around town.

“Napoleon” and I are set to watch House of 1000 Corpses on Friday at 10 pm. He is scheptical because of the reviews some people gave it…but if you liked Texas Chainsaw 2 and Natural Born Killers and Evil Dead 2 you will love it. I have to come up with a couple of other movies for our lock in.

One of my very favorite slave boys is coming in for his play time tomorrow. We try to see each other once a week. he is so fun and sweet. I have had him around for 3 years now.

It is simply obscene that I can spend $150 and only get 4 pairs of socks, a T shirt, and a sweater. Jacque says I am too expensive. She was shocked when I bought 3 pairs of panties and a pair of socks for $50. I bought us both a drink to night, just one a piece and it ran $20. I am spoiled. That is all I drank the whole evening.

I also bought myself House of 1000 Corpses.

Tomorrow night is that dinner with the Doctor friend…the subject of it is “Pain management”. He thought I would be a fun companion for such a dinner. It is a dinner about percocet and stuff like that, held by the pharmacutical company.

I still have to call this director Iam supposed to audition with for this play. I would have forgotten if one of his actresses hadn’t been talking about him tonight. he called me before I left town.

The weekend after ter this weekend Lara Paine is coming to stay the weekend for Southern Decadence, just like last year. I have to get her to bring down more flyer for the fetish ball we are doing together. Domina Athena from Dallas will also be involved. This will be fun. I love performing. I actually rather be a part of an event, even if just behind the scenes than be someone in the audience.

I just talked to Claudia about her impending visit, I can’t wait, but she wants to avoid Southern Decadence. Then Sarah is supposed to be heading down here at the same time as Southern Decadence too, and if they can, I am sure batty and Kelly would love the chance to frolic with us all in a see of Leather and Kink on Bourbon Street.

I am about to have to work on my full page ad for DDI. I want something better for New Orleans in that magazine.

I tried to find new equipment tonight, but nothing moved me, I have tons of floggers and paddles, almost 40 paddles, and close to as many whips, so I think that if I buy more toys those will not be it. I did see this cool water toy for making people fuck, but that just wasn’t what moved me today. What I am really looking at is a new “fuck swing”.

I must have been missed, I have yet another session in am hour.

CRAMPS! Oh, no wonder I was a bit less medatative, and more sadistic than what I had been like lately.

I will be going out later this evening and getting a few new toys for the dungeon. I am in one of those moods that the dungeon needs more new equipment. I am geting another cage to put near the front door soon.

I got to use my new dildo shaped like Jesus on the Crucifix. Ah, don’t you all want God to Fuck you? Don’t you want to let Jesus in your life in any possible way. I guess I need to wear my pvc nun costume with it.

Ah, the house is clean. the cats have grown just in the couple of days away. The girl kitten has even learned how to climb on my high bed.

My sinuses are still screwed from Houston smog. I am tired, and have a million things to do tomorrow.

Ugh, I am tired from watching Rock Star when we got back from hanging out at Lolas, The next Door and Rudyards. What has happened to this town since I moved away…I felt like such adult leisure establishments had turned into old folks homes. I mourn for Eos.

I will be catching a flight probably around 7 p.m. when Batty is back from working. Till then I will enjoy hiding in a blanket watching cable, and taking a shower.

Atleast when the fetish ball is on, I know there will be something going on to do, but it will be work for me, and not just bouncing around a club. I have to do the show remember. I actually seem to like working more than playing anyway. My work is too rewarding.

I saw no reason to rush back just yet. I still have a little money, and I still have mexican food to indulge in (since New Orleans is not the culinary capital it claims to be as far as mexican food). I had a session try to schedule tonight, but he has to wait. Poor baby.

batty and I were playing around today with phone humiliation. I actually had fun doing it. Maybe I will reconcider returning to phone sessions.

Now we are all dolled up and about to step out to dinner at La Tapatia.

I am a bit tired, I hope I don’t fall asleep on what is to be my last night here before the trip home.

I might just leave tomorrow afternoon. I haven’t decided on morning or afternoon. jJcque-oh has the house covered. I will probable go be good and come home asap. I have a bit of flyering and stuff to do when I get home, and I hate putting things off. And I need to get a head start on the October article for Xsite.

I have been pretty bored other than hitting a few stores today, that is why we decided to sit around the house and amuse ourselves with the groveling of little phone humiliation sluts. Fun.

Ah, though such things were fun, I do really miss the trembling flesh and moaning screaming mouthes of my subbies back home.