I am up way too early…so lets rant, lol.
I was having one of My re-occcuring revelations yesterday about the traits that compose the dominant personality. With BDSM ever more often growing as a fashion statement for some, and being a dominatrix becoming the dream job of young goth girls everywhere I see so many girls professing to be dominant,
So few understand that a dominant is more than just being a “top” or a “sadist”. Infact the dominant personality doesn’t require being a BDSM top nor does it mean you ar a sadist at all. A dominant is a dominant period, and are just as dominant if they are completey vanilla as they are if they are a kink of all 31 flavors of Baskin Robbins.
Some think that one must be domineering and abrassive if they are dominant…this isn’t true. Domineering qualities generally come to a dominant who has a degree of baggage. You can be soothing as a dominant and nurturing and be no less dominant than the stereo-typed “bitch-goddess”.
I think the most important dominant trait that those that falsly profess to be a dominant personality tend to lack is responsibility. A dominant person seems to feel less a victim and acknowledges the part they play. They take responsibility for thier actions, and before they have a situation they try to be responsible for preventative measures…
A dominant desires a certain minimum standard of life, a certain standard of performance from those they work and live with, and they feel that anything less than 100% is unnacceptable…so they tend to be the person who is responsible when it comes to rent and bills, being punctual, or following projects through… those that profess dominance and aren’t generaly use the undependability of others as an excuse for why things can’t be done. “It’s not done because every one else…” A dominant either takes it in their own hands or finds someone else, and isn’t affraid to ask for help.
A dominant also isn’t affraid of conflict or the oppinion of others. If someone is pissing them off they tend to just put it on the table…and when possible they try to address things cool calm and detatched in the beginning, but still stern in the unnacceptability of a situation…but sometimes all people get upset and eventually will say things with too much emotional interferrence if a problem goes on too long…but a dominant doesn’t allow others to push them around with out standing up for themselves.
They are survivors of situations, some times victors of situations, but never victims of a situation. This ties together the previous traits of dominance. A victim vs a survivor: a victim is someone who doesn’t evaluate the role they play in all the things that happen to them. They don’t evaluate so they tend to be victimized again by not seeing where they can make a change in patterned behavior to reduce the risk of being vulnerable again. They admit that they should have listened to instinct or been more aware of warning signs to a situation, or that when people do things to them they opened the door to it and through responsibility and not compromising standards, and by not worrying about trying to make everyone happy and standing their ground they can nearly prevent victimization in the future.
A dominant is someone with a strong will and usually with a hunger in their belly for some passion of theirs, and they hunt and conquer their dreams with no remorse, and more often with a definitive plan of action.
And a good dominant with have a certain sense of pride in doing so ethically. A self respecting dominant will seek to retain a certain standard of honor and pride and not cheapen themselves, trying to obtain their goals through hard work and perseverance rather than shaddy practices and sacrificing their personal values for money.
But before you try to judge whether a dominant is a dominant based on this last trait you must realize that only they know what is moral for them…morals are relevant to ones beliefs, and different than ethics. What many call ethics are infact morals or based on morals (which are dictated by culture and religion more often than ethics)…such as sexual behaviors, manner of dress, obscenity or foul language.
It is a dominants peroggative to dress, speak, or conduct themselves sexually as they personally see fit. This means they are no less dominant if they have a vanilla sexual relationship, have no interest in fetish attire and don’t find pleasure in verbal humiliation
The same with submissives. Some find pleasure in just doing well under the instruction of others earning praise from an authoritarian figure, never getting out of daily clothes and into a collar, and never showing masochistic tendancies.
There is such thing as a vanilla dominant and a vanilla submissive and a full spectrum of dominance between the m and some hardcore pervert, fetish fiend, foul-mouthed domiant sadist as Myself, and they are just as dominant…as well as there are plenty of people who follow the image of dominant that want to believe themself as dominant but no matter how picture perfect or how much (or well) they roleplay dominance it isn’t their nature. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover
(but in professional domination they are paying for the cover as well as the inside, and some clients aren’t really submissive so they need the “stage dominant” because she is more flexible to his needs for service.)
