I was extremely disappointed today to find that our show sunday will be followed by a band. This means that we start early, 9:30 and end by 11:15. That completely sucks. I was hoping to drag the show on longer than usual, bt the venue has a double booking that night! We still will have Mistress Amrita, and I will still be performing with Lil Beaux Peepshow that evening.

I rarely ever read the Howlin’ Wolf discussion board but today I did. There was a post that I am sure was meant to be a compliment, but it really was ultimately an insult.

In someone’s post that was negative in reference to the show as a whole it singled me out in a positive way. I wish that I could accept the compliment that they intended, but to do so would be to insult my fellow cast members and under rate all they do in and for the show.

This person credited me with being the draw of the show, and stated that if it were my show that perhaps I could change the show for the better.

I have been asked why I don’t just go off and do a burlesque show of my own in light of the recent drama on that list and amongst present and former members. I DON’T WANT TO RUN A BURLESQUE SHOW! I love promoting the show, and in turn promoting myself, I love thinking up new and efficient ways to improve props, sets and costumings, but I rather be responsible for me, and do all these other things by choice as a member rather than obligation as the leader.

Now, I love fetish performing, and I would love to have a small troup of fetish performers to book and tour with, and perhaps do burlesque as a hobby on the side of being serious about fetish performing, but I don’t desire to run a burlesque show. Lil Beaux Peepshow allows me to bring soft core fetish scenes into the mainstream by mixing it with Burlesque and theatrical costuming and skits.

I love shedding a little light on BDSM and fetish in the mainstream, and helping to disolve the myths and horrors. I like showing the uninformed that BDSM is often nurturing and playful.

I also feel really uncomfortable with the compliment on that discussion board because I know of someone who reads it that is probably very insulted because it was her dream, her vision and she brought it to Howlin Wolf and now I am getting credit I don’t want or deserve and she is getting none.
I sensed that she was a little angry about something today, and I asked her, “Is something wrong, you seem a little angry.” She denied it.

My self promotion skills and my reputation and following is why I was asked to join the Burlesque company in the first place, but I feel it may be the same reason that eventually it comes to an end. Ugh, I should start working on booking more fetish shows. It appears that in March we will start doing the show only on the last Sunday of the month.