Since i couldn’t go out last night and start the New year with Champagne and friends (like last year when berlin and I were having real french champagne and in a pile of women making out!) I stayed in and had a facial and a pedicure, and watched movies.

I could hear the fireworks making a roar over the Mississippi river. I am less than a mile from the river. I walked out on my porch, and my neighbor, Duncan, was out across the street wishing that the houses weren’t so close together so that we might be able to see. Earlier I came out of the house and enjoyed a few of the fireworks they had bought to enjoy with their 7 year old daughter on the front porch.

It is funny. I sometimes have the most simple of lives. Just those moments of calm when it almost feels like I am leading the average life. Then I turn around and walk back into my house where every room has been turned into fully equipped play space, and see a million creepy collectable toys. The phone rings and I am off into discussions of how far one can stretch the body and mind.

Other women my age are managing families, persuing the relationships they intend to live out the rest of their lives in, plotting careers and buying their family home for the next 20-30 years…I am plotting getting back to my version of normal after this broken bone heals. I am trying to figure out the next shows I want to do, my travel itenarary, my lectures that I intend to give this year, the articles I write each month, the wicked little fantasies I get when I wander past some of my toys or random household items, and who and how I will enact such deviances in the coming year…once I am healed.

My grandmother wishes that this bone would get me to think on having a family and mainstream career. I have found the life for me, and have been living it for over 10 years.

I look forward to seeing the next goose pimpled body drawn up and taunt in ropes, with my blood red nails dragging across their skin. I fantasize about that smell of leather when the flogger swings through the air, the feel of a subs heartbeat when I invade their anus, the look in their eyes when they are past sub space and feel that they are pleasantly exhausted. I am looking forward to the next nervous novice and neophyte that looks like they are scared shitless and breaking all their previous notions and showing them that reality can be better than fantasy. I can’t wait till I am able to fully resume my life fully functional when this bone mends.

My New year’s resolution is push onward and upward, and get this bone healed and try to have one major accomplishment a month minimum.