I had a lot of fun. I don’t know whether it was the asprin or my sadistic nature, but the minute someone was tied up and screaming I didn’t hurt anymore.

It was a small and private soiree’ at my humble abode. I saw a couple of faces that I hadn’t seen in a while.

I even played a little. I was up cleaning the house but Charlotte kept having a hizzy that I was using my broken bone…I was not!

I got the frustration of watching someone not be able to follow simple instructions, and the irritability of this broken bone preventing me from ripping it out of their hands and doing it myself ( I truely am my mother’s daughter, only she would have bitch slapped him first!).

I couldn’t believe that it was 4 a.m. when the last guest left.

Now I have a session, and possibly another. My bone is only limiting range of motion and heavy lifting. I am starting to realize that most play I actually can do with out extending my left arm or lifting heavy weight.

I woke really pissed off because the pain and that I couldn’t roll over on my side and sleep in the fetal position. I wake screaming with nightmares and pain most every morning. I still haven’t taken any pain medication, and have been out of lidocaine patches for a while…not that they worked.

I have been dealing with a lot of crying from someone. He has cried several nights this week, and cried this morning.

When I am totally over it, crying just makes me pissed off, and long even more to be alone. Tears of another are more likely to make me not want you than to want you. So when I say it’s over, save your tears.

There is no choice but to accept that it takes 2 people to have a relationship and I don’t want one!!!

It is almost to the point that I am asking myself who I have to be found in bed with for him to go away.

Then he starts in last night with this “I love you” crap. I told him that he doesn’t, that he is just lonely, and projecting things on me that are all in his head. He says that I am affraid of a relationship with him that isn’t disfunctional…NO! I don’t want a relationship and I don’t find co-dependancy to be a functional relationship.

Sex was cool, but not enough to counterbalance that the boy can’t figure out simple shit, like how to match up two cut out circles of 2 different sizes.. And the fact that he acts so incredibly gay, and that he is a slob, and that he can’t even figure out how to store a rope when shown 50 times. And he can’t even figure out that if there is food all over a dish that it hasn’t been washed…even when he claims he has washed it.

At first my friends thought I am too hard on him, till they had to deal with it last night, and were getting annoyed that he has no brain for something that simple!!! He couldn’t figure out the stocks!

After all this I just want to be alone even worse than when I met him…for christ sake…FOCUS!
I swear…just another case of “don’t make me punch you!”