It’s been a long night. I was miserably ill all day from hanging out with one of my friends who came in from Houston. She saw my ad in a magazine and called me to hang out. I miss hanging out with her at Emo’s. She is begging that I come spend the weekend with her soon. She ended up drawing all over me at the Abbey.

So tonight, against my better judgement I went to see Crux Shadows. They were good as the last time, but I was really edgy from being sick all day, and I saw a person I absolutely get ill when I bump into them. This on top of my previously ripped apart stomach.

I stepped out during the encore to go see Deana at Aunt Tiki’s.
We went and hung out with Kieth and Jeremy/Natasha till s/he got off work, and she drove us home.

I wonder what adventures and misadventures tomorrow holds. I cherish the sleep I am about to get. I think I am fine with just water for quite a while. I* don’t usually drink caffiene and I usually hate colas, but tonight I had a need for something bubbly and not just water.

I come home to a very loving family of cats…everyone is in love with the eldest kitty. I am happy to be home. I am happy for the peace and quiet, and very happy to hold my kitties and just sink into the blankets. I am so happy to have this moment of peace and calm that I am concidering staying home tomorrow rather than doing movie night…but I may just end up going anyway, out of habit. They are showing Alien, the Shinig, and the Thing.

But otherwise I can go to “napoleon’s” for flicks or stay home and start the studying for my content and information for next month’s magazine article. I always take a thing that interests me that I know about, then research it more…I learn more and share both my personal experience, my curiousity and the new information I learned. And this month Vincent wants it early.

I am just overly active in my life. Now I need to tackle the mountain of email that I didn’t get to in my day of misery.

Sometimes ex-boyfriends are the best…
I call him miserably hung over and he finds out I am in bed naked and freshly showered and is on the way with burgers from Wendy’s. I am so fucking miserable. I know he will feed me and give me a massage and hold me till my pain goes away.

So there is this other guy that really likes me, and I am not sure what to think. He is cute and nice, and fun, and I make out with him, but in my old age I have been becoming a tease. He came home with me and held me all night twice now and I still haven’t done anything but kiss A LOT. He seems so smitten. Jacque thinks I should start dating him. I don’t know. The exes from this past year have really left me not feeling like seeing anyone…that is why the other ex is my safe haven. It seems that all the guys in this town are damaged goods. They are so backwards and fucked up. Atleast I know all of George’s (aka napoleon) hang ups. I call him napoleon because of his napoleonic complex. He is a control freak, but he has realized that he can’t change me, we have come to a great understanding. We no longer argue because I just tell him that I don’t have to listen to his criticizing because I am no longer his girlfriend and if he doesn’t like it there’s the door. Ahhhh, It’s beautiful. All the privledges of a relationship with no bullshit. Even though we still see each other I refuse to call him my boyfriend, he is eternally the ex. And we have always been in an open relationship so I can tell him anything about my twisted love lives. Neither of us have ever been jelous about each other. We have been seeing each other off and on for 4 years. I think I am reluctant to get involved very deeply with others for many reasons, but one of them is because I don’t think anyone I date would understand how George and I work, and if it got serious they would probably be jelous of George. My last fiance was. He hated that George and I talked and George would come over and help me with stuff.

It got really bad when George and I had the mother of his son and my last fiance in the car with us both. There was this tention between the two of them because they knew that George and I are closer to each other like they wanted to be to us.

George was shocked to recently find out he is in love with me. I knew that since we met, with in the first 15 minutes. He is part of why I moved here. The past couple of times he has told me he was inlove with me, I just told him,I know that.” I hold him dear, but I think being inlove is a psychosematic illness. You are inlove because you feel a need to be, and whe you don’t desire such intense passion you just simply love them rather than being in love with them. It’s simply a crush.

I have to admit, I have a larger than life lifestyle, and it can really set me apart from the other people that my lovers date. I can have fun in ways that other people are scared of. I am a bi-sexual dragqueen in a woman’s body. I think in my life I most relate to gay men.

Awe, nostalgia. I found a few clippings of my adds from 1996 to 1998. I also found that pic of myself and my claudia wrestling on the bed with a whip and a vibrator…I have so many great memories. One of the ad clippings actually has Mistress Pink and Domina Shannon in it too, along with quite a few other fellow dominas. Those were the days. Like When Shannon, Lori, Jennifer, Yvette, Mr. Paige, and all of us nuts went to the London Torture Garden Event when it came to Houston on Tour. That was a wild night. I ended up pushing Mr. Paige over the edge right in the middle of the floor so many times. I had his head spinning. This was not an easything to explain to his husband. I love Mr. Paige. I loved visiting him while he worked till dawn at Lovecrafts!

Oh so many memories and people I miss.

Luckily the internet and things like http://friendster.com have re-aquainted many of us (those that are still alive) and introduced me to new friends. One of which I met on line is now my neighbor after we met on-line and kept bumping into each other at concerts and the Saint. I love the internet. I am totally hooked on the cyber life.

Tonight, is just another Sunday at the Dervish. Last night I went there briefly and got asked to be in the sequel of Attack of the Cockfaced Killer. I had a couple of friends in that movie. It was a local film.

Wheee, I can’t wait to be out in the night air and having a ball. Though I think I am getting old and crab, I like going home much earlier then the young whipper-snappers I get wrapped up with.

lol, this is supposedly which 80’s song I am.

“You Shook Me All Night Long” (by AC/DC)
‘Cause the walls start shaking
The earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it and you –
Shook me all night long.

Which 80’s Song Fits You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love stupid quizes.

It ruins it for everyone when people book and don’t show! It screws my schedule for those that want to book and are turned away because of a failure to appear, and it screws Jacque’s schedule because she is working with my schedule in mind, and it puts people in a piss poor mood when it happens too many times in a day, much less in several days.

If you don’t intend to show don’t book, and if something comes up have the decency to just call and cancel when you first know of any complications. For christ sake, if this were a court room or a doctor’s office you would end up having a bench warrent or a penalty fee for standing up an appointment.

If you are a responsible adult, which I would suppose one would be that is contacting a Mistress, you would be so polite and responsible to keep or cancel appointments and not leave someone expecting you and unable to see someone else.
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The pornstar ball last night was rather dull, The girls in the costume contest that were finalists were the ones with no clothes and fake tits. Why don’t we just call things what they really are…a tit job contest. Then all the girls that actually wore costumes and didn’t have boob jobs could have known that it was a waste of their time if they weren’t showing their twat. I did meet a couple of cuties, and have a wonderful dinner, and saw a few of my friends after.

The ball should of had vendors, promotonal booths for the pornstar’s tapes and sex toys, stuff to watch other than boring go-go’s. Flynn was the MC and that was the high light of the night. Otherwise it was just a regular Dj. And The VIP room was more boring than the dance floor. All the VIP means is you can sit on a sofa and watch every one outside on the monitors and big screen. A porn ball needs to have more eye candy, more stuff to entertain you.

Wendy (Lounge Lizards bar Wench) and I are such cheese balls that we are going to see Queensrych on the 24th, any one else wanna go?
I am always looking for good cheesey fun. I love stuff where you can just act retarded. My friend Kat and I are talking about dressing up as 80’s Metal sluts for fun. A hair wall or feathered hair, purple lipstick, and shredded buttrock band shirts with daisy duke cut-offs and clips with feathers hanging in our hair. It would be hilarious. I but some guy would even ask if we wanted to “listen to Skynard and make out in his El Camino”. Cheese is an art form!

Oh, and Mangina and Scrotesque will be playing together this 22nd and Jacque and I are set to go. It’s at Mama’s Blues on Rampart.
I just talked to Nathan and he says that they are still up in the air on the show. I hope Mangina stays booked for that night, because I like watching them both, and I would love to see them together.

Another entry and sooo soon. I guess I am making up for being off the journal a couple of days.

Tonight after this session i am running off with the good doctor and Jacque to have some dinner, and then to the Porn Star Ball at House of blues. This should be fun.

If I don’t get tired too soon (I have been home before 4 a.m. most nights).

I am getting ready for this session…it is one of my faves, roman showers, brown and gold, and lots of other humiliation. Fun. Damn I have been eating brussel sprouts and broccoli almost every day. I am hooked on it. I don’t even ad butter (there is no butter in the house). Just the veggies and seasoning, fat free, high in salt though. This does make for some very easy and fragrant toilet training. I put those tasty green veggies in aluminum foil in the oven. It’s easy clean up too. It rocks. I am soo hooked on brussel sprouts and broccoli. My last fiance would get mad because no matter what I cooked it always had broccoli in it it seemed, either that or pasta. I have cut down on pasta, it is very fattening.

I have been pre-occupied. Tuesday was movie night and Nikki came home and crashed here since she couldn’t get to Algiers.
Wednesday was Scrotesque at the Howlin Wolf, and then we went to London Calling at the Parish/House of Blues. Thursday was the usual 1984 80’s night at 735, in which I bruised myself up wrestling and being a gymnast in the front room. All sorts of flips splits, back bends and cart wheels. Fun. When I have too much fun it can be very athletic and often leaves me bruised up. I try and relive some of my fond memories of gymnastics, ballet, tap, jazz, modern dance, african dance, salsa, and folklorico I studied over my adolescence and childhood. I have even ended up at clubs doing ballet with others that share that past.

Then was last night. I didn’t go to Transmit at 735, and my time at the Whirling Dervish was minimal, but Jacque and I took off to the Circle bar to see mangina. We had Rick meet us there. We had a blast. I had been meaning to see them for forever. I especially loved the ABBA intro, and the cover of ABBA’s S.O.S.

I am an ABBA fan and have been forcing it down Jacque’s throat…she used to hate it and last night she was cursing me because she found herself singing along. Mwahhahhahha. And even better when people found out she hated ABBA they thought she was a nut. She is coming around. Pretty soon she will be watching Prascilla Queen of the Desert and Muriel’s Wedding.

I must say a Black Metal cover of ABBA is the shit!

We also bought a copy of Chicago on DVD!!!! Yeah! I am a happy girl on that one. Chicago is one of the best movies to come out in the last year, hands down! It has amazing energy, and showcases women with strength and determination. Catherine Zeta Jones has so much power in her presence and voice…I was blown away. And John C. Rielley’s voice really surprised me.

I had a fun session with one of my fave subbies the other day. My cat is a sado-masochists, and get’s jelous when you spank or torment a subby, so he jumped right up on the table with him trying to get some spanks. He lies down when you spank him, he starts purring and clawing at the rug. Sometimes if you quit before he wants you to stop spanking he will start attacking you. There is a nick name Jacque calls him when she spanks him and if he hears her say it he runs up and lays down for more spanks. Who said you can’t train a cat?

I have already seen Crux Shadow’s so this Saturday I am skipping their show at 735 and heading to the Porn Star ball at House of Blues. And tomorrow I am going to be at the Parish at House of Blue for London Calling. Darren is spinning, he is so sweet and fun.

I don’t know if I am doing the movie night tonight. Nikki wants me to go, and I was thinking about it, but nah. Not unless I ride up with the “good doctor” and hang out.

With all the drama guys have posed lately in my life, I just snuck off to “napoleon’s” last night. We went to trivia, and then to watch flicks at his house. He is safely a low drama zone. I slept most of the day at his house and had a million over sexed dreams. What was up with that? They were so organized and detailed. I still remember them all. It must be the zoloft. Zoloft lowers my sex drive if I don’t have a single drink.

I could sleep forever right now. Maybe Todd will go to movie night tonight. I should call him.

It has been 3 years almost to the date that my friend Christian shot himself. It was a tragic time for me, I was very upset, and it came only 2 or 3 weeks before my close friend Greg died of an epileptic siezure in his art school dorm room in NYC. This seems the time of year that most of the young tragic deaths happen. Then there was Sam, who performed with Bozo Porno Circus after I had left, killing herself by the same method Christian did with in days of him. I didn’t talk to Sam too often, but Shannon and Heather and I used to think her latex allergy was fun to scare her with by all dressing in latex in the night clubs and trying to walk real close to her so she would get scared and run away. I remember seeing her on Jerry Springer too.

All these thoughts came up because i took this silly on line quiz and got “Christian”.

You are Christian.

Poppy Z. Brite Quiz – Which Lost Souls Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I didn’t sleep for days when I found out about Christian, I sat up angry and upset I didn’t have the chance to be there for him because I had moved away. I was angry that I took it for granted that I could just visit Houston and see him any old time, and now i can’t. I remembered his way of just showing up at my house in the middle of the night and making me laugh, and talking. The way he wanted me to get tink away from him the last time we had dinner at One’s A Meal when I visited houston after moving to New Orleans. I remember my monkey and I finally getting out of bed after a party had ended at my house and we had been alone for hours, only to find that Christian had snuck in the dungeon, hooked himself up to the TENS unit and fallen asleep, and no one realized he was there till monkey and I would walk in looking for toys to take back to bed, and find Christian waking up. Christian and his latex shirt talking and hanging out on the patio at Numbers. I miss him.

I miss greg and his great creativity, style, and way all the girls were insanely hot for him. His mother wanted me and Shannon to make sure he didn’t miss his epilepsy medication when he lived with us. He was taking it when he died, but the medication doesn’t work if you don’t keep regular sleep paterns.
In an unsupervised siezure one can easily hit their head or swallow their tongue. When Greg and I used to perform with Bozo Porno Circus, and get hotel rooms together with Lori on our trips out of town to do shows, and he would wear my thigh high boots and a thong and my Cookie Puss floor length coat to flyer in the streets. When we would lock in and sit up all night silently drawing together. When he lived with me and Shannon and I would hang him from his ankles by the rafters in our house. We were only 18 or 19, and Shannon 15. He would have this game where I would attack him while he was upside down, and he would try to attack me back with out equilibrium. Long nights of talking. His and my friendship had a rough point at one time because I would make out with Heather while he was off at school, but we both knew Heather was his, and I was just friends with them both and wouldn’t do it to disrespect him, but just for fun. I wish I hadn’t missed his going away party the last time he lived in Houston. And now it is too late with yet another person.

I am tempted to go down the list of all the people I have lost so tragic and young, but I would be here for ever.

It’s like Jim Carrol’s People Who Died…they were all my friends and they died.