We arove to the club early. This one person I have had a crush on and a short stint of dating asked me why I was so mean to him. I told him because he acts like a poo head. He always scurries away. I asked Jacque, before he asked that, if I was being too mean to him. She said yes.

I was talking at the bar, and he said some thing to me, and I looked at him stupid, then sharply turned my head to the bartender and said “Anyways, where were we…”. I think the problem is that if I don’t get what I want, I am such a brat that I make everyone unhappy till I get it. I have a sassy mouth.

Even as a child of the age of four, my mother had a big problem with my talking back and saying rude things to her, or just sharing blunt and tactless opinions. She would call me an “uppity wench” all while I was growing up.

Said person I had a crush on/briefly went out with noted Monday night, at Todd’s B-day, that I was really bossy with jacque…we both told him that I warned her that I would be when she moved in with me. When I have a house I have a way I like it run, and it WILL run that way. Jacque knows that my bossy orders are all in the goal of keeping shit together, being productive and that is how I got to where I am today, by having a system that works, and it must be upheld.

Jacque had what she thought was heart break…I call it ego break. So often people confuse their egos with their heart when a crush is unrequited. So many people, myself included, feel more passionately psycho-sematically because they can’t believe that the other person turned them down. It’s all pride and ego, mistaken for love and heart break. We all need to get over it. I sent the crush/former date guy over to Jacque to talk to her. He did, and she wondered why he came and sat by her and talked to her.

We slept forever yesterday. Today we tossed and turned trying to sleep and are up oddly early. As I tried to sleep the lyrics to “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” (yes that old hair band song) kept playing over and over in my head…driving me crazy. I want more sleep, but I doubt I will get it. Before I know it “empty” will be here.