WARNING: THIS ENTRY IS VERY LONG, VERY INTENSE, AND GRAPHIC.
IT IS ABOUT A DAY OF NOTHING BUT HARDCORE BDSM. ABOUT THE INTENSE SPIRITUAL, SEXUAL, MENTAL ASSESSMENT OF ALMOST 24 HOURS OF NONSTOP BDSM…AND I STILL AM HUNGRY FOR MORE.

I have this insatiable need for kink. I am ravenous rightnow, and this seems to be a great asset to playing in session, but a bit taxing on my friends….I feel like a moster. I am litterally acting like a junkie for BDSM, both as a sadist and a masochist.

I get snotty treatment by some people in the life style because I am a prodominant, and they feel that discredits me as a lifestyle player to some people…but this post is about MY need for it. Not the misconception that Dominatrixes are sex workers that use the strong needs of submissives as a way to make money.

I need the people I play with as much as they need me…not monetarily, but for the energy, the power. I am just like them. I am a sexual deviant to the point that it is arguable in psychology whether it is healthy. But there is no cure. It’s like being gay, you eaither embrace you alternative preferences and allow them to bring you pleasure and hopefully have them be a path to spirituality (for gays it would be a good life partner, for BDSM it would be an intense chemistry and spiritual bond with one or many steady play partners). Sex is spiritual, at it’s most tender slow moments as well as it’s most vicious animalistic fucking moments. Sex is so strong. BDSM is a form of sex not requiring oral anal or vaginal contact. And in both way I am admittedly a sex addict!

Right now I am at one of my strongest drives for kink, fetish, BDSM, pain…This is actually great for those I am playing with. I just am so intense right now. I swear, I can’t get enough. I think it is part of my PMS.

Yesterday I had 2 amazing sessions, one with X assisting. We had so much fun making this little masochist scream and howl in ecstasy. I think X is hooked now. Not only am I a big pervy succubus type monster, I think it is contagious.

After the scene the subby said that his head was tingling, that he flew so high an so hard that he wasn’t going to be able to stand after. We had him just relax, we had a nice little cool down and chat. It was great. We actually had been up pretty late the night before with him having drinks, and then he scheduled a session the next day.

The next session I did alone, and it was frigging amazing as well. So fucking beautiful. I had him in the cock stock and wrist socks for a bit of the scene, and pushing him in to his limits and out the other side. I pushed him, and he was very greatful for it. I know from my current frustrated build up of energy just what he needed. I could see in the way he started the scene very stoic about feeling pain that he needed to be taken past his boundary and clear over the mountain…the same thing I need to work on when hooking. I saw that he needed to have a good cry, but at the same time feeling the intensity of the scene, he needed to also feel the compassion, nurturing and guidance through each aganizing second until he acclimated and started searching for the next limit. I was so in sync with him that we both had a very intimate and spiritual experience from it.

I had him electrified through his genitals full blast, I coaxed him, soothed his skin through the ordeal, reminding him how he was taking it for ME, because I need it, and because as my submissive he needs to feel that power exchange when I hit top space and he rides off that energy in subspace.

Sparks were flying. I mean, some days sessions are really good, and you don’t think they get much bettet, but then suddenly all the chemistry and stars align and a frigging super nova just blows you away…

And the first session was a minor super nova with X, but I think that if I had kept going longer it would have gone where the second session did. I hadn’t cooled from the first session, and I was hungry. Not for food. I mean as a dominant sadist I needed to push someone over the edge and catch them.

And the second session didn’t pacify my hunger, despite the intensity of it all. I mean we were hugging and holding for a bit after, just really feeling a connection, and even having his head pressed to my calves as I sat on the medical table, nose wedged between, and stroking his hair and letting him know how good a boy he was and how I need it that and thak you for giving me that.

But I am still hungry. And X was ravenous too. We went to 735 we only evil visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads. It was a mad predatory stalk. I pick 3 guys that I know well that are very beautiful and told them that we were absolutely wanting people to come with us. We needed people to come with us. When the seemed totally petrified of the offer (no doubt because I had a very predatory and insatiable gleem to my eyes) we moved on to X List. We got 3 boys that she knew, and I had been previously introduced to and told them the predicament…”We are two wild girls, we have a dungeon and sick minds, and are dying to have a wild fun time…And that we aren’t quite sure ourselves what we mean by wild fun time.”

Well. They were good boys. One more than the rest, but turns out he is a lover and pet of Mistress Natasha at Colettes…I know Natasha. So Natasha was celebrating her last night at Colettes before leaving for Europe.. Colette was already closed, and the boy couldn’t go in to see her at work any way…so I told him that I was taking a cab to Colettes, that he and his friend should meet me there.

X and I didn’t give up on ringing the door bell at Colettes. Finally they came to tell me they were closed.

Well. they didn’t know who I was and weren’t about to let me in until I asked them to give Natasha a message “Genevieve is having an impromptu party with her boy “m” and his friends and she must hurry” The manager said “Mistress Genevieve?” and I said yes, and suddenly we were briskly rushed in side.

I walked in to their little dungeon and saw her in mid scene, and her eyes lit up. I toyed her slave girl who’s wet pussy was proudly exposed to the voyeurs, and the moans were making me desperate to get on with the festivities. I had to hav it now. It seemed everywhere I went I just was building and building.

Soon her boy called, he was out side in the car, so we dashed leaving her the number, and the address just incase she forgot where my house was.

We bust through the door, and since X and I (who are both pre menstral and just climbing the walls with hormonal flux) decided that we should just get to playing. Next thing you know she was upside down. It was our first time playing together (and she had just been broken up with her boyfriend a few hours before so she had no reason not to, and actually a little fun was a perfect prescription). Mummified and upside down, then ofcourse…being the electro obsessed pervert I am She was wired wor sound man! I had the nova pro goggles and head phones on her, the electricity beating in it rhythim in some melodic coinciding with the nova pro’s beat. The to send her out further through space…I put on the most spiritual cd I have ever heard! Coil’s Horse Rotivator (actually almost all Coil is instant subspace) and hooked her up with vibrations. Not just vibrations, but vibrations against the same spots that were electrified, which were strategic and intentional. Keeping in mind that she still had her panties on too.

I had been through out the seen been tettering her up and down at different angles, using a multitude of sensations acros the only bare skin which was her thighs and stomach.

Natasha was aiding, but more interested in being next, and had been topping all night at Colettes so she probably pas post climactic.

Well. X. just soared out there. It was as amazing as the first session for me, but I have a feeling that beening that the first scene of the day and playing with X had more than myself and the sub playing, that it took away from achieving what the second scene of the day had achieved.

When X. was out she said what all the subbies I had played with all day had said…”My head…it tingles, I have a head rush and my knees are about to buckle.” Thes words fill we with joy pride and happieness, that I can take another person that far totally gets me off. I think that for a bit I had been missing that connection and hunger while playing.

X. was very disappointed when she became aware enough of the room, that Natasha had left…she was really interested in getting to top her with me. Well. In this marathon entry…I have failed to mention that I had called my neighbor, the one who I had enemas and electricity play with first time we met just (last week) and she stopped getting ready for bed and RAN over. She was all into it, and said that when it is just myself and J and none of the rest of the party around she wants to do it. Just us.

Well. Now That Natasha and the 2 girls that she brought were gone, it was my neighbor, X, and the 3 boys. What to do what to do…

Well. Two of the boys were not into participating, and the other boy and X were not really experienced at it, so my neighbor and I decided that were were going to the bathroom and having bubbly enemas. When, being that the one boy was a very curious boy, he couldn’t help but come back there. My neighbor was not comfortable with others, but I didn’t mind, so I showed him how simply I gave my self one, gave him his own enemas equipment, taught him how to clean it and let him do it him self. Wouldn’t you know another person got curious and I easily convinced them that “You two can be a twisted ass freak like me. It’s fun, and hygenic.” Man, those years of telemarketing and sales work really paid off. I made yet another anal convert. Not only that. We must have been doing enemas for 3 hours straight, and then the other two people cam to talk to us and joke about the humor of 4 people getting off to giving themselves enemas.

I am always happy when vanilla minded people can look upon their twisted freaky friends fondly and joke about their twistedness, but never judge them.

So then we all went to watch some movies in the living room. I, being the succubus I am, picked hot fetish and sado-masochistic films to subliminally work on breaking the two “no participants” in. And of course…being an electric fiend, I had every one spending time with electrodes on them writhing and giggling on the floor. Only one person had any apprehension in the end, and he just said it was too weird, but he didn’t hate it…his loss.

“X” was really tired and I begged her to play when she laid down to sleep, but she said no, the boys drove me to the Hospital drug store to pick up a new box of needles (I had “X use the last one on me and was desperate.), catheters (I was out) and batteries (because I knew I could get some more voltage out of the unit if the batteries were fresh, and 3 of us were dying because we loved it so much that we couldn’t get enough juice to go as high as we wanted.

In the end, my neighbor staid till around 11 a.m. I am still frustrated pent up and ravenousfor mor an “X” (who is now staying with me) is sleeping.

So I have spent my time calling Domina Shannon, because she totally is like me about her insatiable desire as a sado-masochist, and she is one of my closest dearest and oldest friends, much less we had a dungeon together way back when.

I also laid in bed watching movies with the voltage as high as it would go and moving the electrodes around, experimenting with different zones of my body.

I still just can’t fill this need. I know I am obsessive compulsive, as well as a fetish nympho, proud pervert, pro-vert, freak, ghoul and all…but that doesn’t make dealing with this need any easier.

I don’t know when this will start to wane, but for now, I am waiting for my next appointment, and then I have “empty” coming over (it’s been a while since I had been in one of these moods and I had been going easy on him and he had been dying for more and couldn’t take it when this mood started 2 days a go).

I swear. every time I go through this mood (yes it is a cycle…probabably partially influencd by PMS) I think I am going to just explode. Nothing helps.

There are 2 very certain ways to cure this…1 is to hook and actually force myself over the edge this time until I can cry and let go…and the other is to sub to someone who can do what I need which is a very tall order.

These solutions may sound simple, but it isn’t! See been as accellerated as I am, and as hardcore as I torture myself, I need someone that can take me further than I do, some one I trust, respect, and feel is twisted enough to totally get freaky and weird and creative. In other words…I am screwed till I meet my match.

I feel like a monster actually. I mean. Part of me is so un ashamed and needy and insatiable that I have to have kink and don’t care what others think…but I have a duality that says that an obsession this intense is really kind of sick and shameful, and I should be ashamed for not feeling ashamed.

Well, I hope that my submissives and slaves enjoy this time that I am full of such a black energy. All those that have felt my energy through this were left feeling totally euphoric.

I keep tryuing to just run it out of my system, but the more I try to burn myself out on it, I seem to be faning the flames instead.