I went out till dawn, only having one cosmo…watch the drama of Decatur Street. It is fairly amusing. I was thinking how I needed to make a soap opera of it all for television.

I went to bed, hoping to sleep till “empty” was supposed to call, but I had a horrible dream of tons of maggots. They got in my hair and clothes, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t wash them out, and then these birds came to eat the maggots and pooped on every one, which washed off but still left the maggots. I have been having a lot of screwy dreams lately.

I got up, watched the two signed Cleo du Bois videos “empty” got me at her workshop. One was so amazing…the scene was so intense with one girl in the “Pain Game” that Cleo was in tears. I have respected her and her husband, Fakir Masufar, for many years. I have been very interested in body modifications in all its forms. Piercing, tattoos and recently hooking I am currently involved in. I have been corset trained 10 inches from my original size. I want to return to corseting. I also want to do a practice called “well turned ankles” where you break and reform the arch.

When my ex-fiance and I first met he was tight binding his calves to have a pattern of rings up and down them much like corseting. I also am intrigued by sub-dermal implants, branding and scarring. I have done several burns on me, but not on others. I have considered having Kali and Domina Shannon do some mods on me, such as brands, cuttings and if I had more ear (my ears are very very small) I would have this beautiful clipping done.

I love the feel of control over my own body, making it go beyond my perceived limitations. The times in my past where I switched I was able to go really deep.

But I realized last week in the hooking, with the way I resisted the pull, that I need to get back in touch with all of it, If possible, I will get hooked again at the Hi-Ho tonight.

I think that I need this a bit to re-establish balance between my top ego and the depth of the rest of my persona.